About This Blog


Of all the literary devices in an author's toolbox, none can be as confusing to the uninformed as the "metaphor", which is a direct comparison, or "simile", a comparison using the words 'like', or 'as'. Often, when the reference is uncommon or vague, the reader is left thinking "huh?"

Daniel Ruth, a well-known Tampa Tribune columnist, has a habit of over-using these devices to such extent that many readers only begin to understand the full comedic content of his columns.

We here at DRMW believe that there hasn't been as much head-scratching since Dennis Miller co-hosted 'Monday Night Football.'

To correct this deficiency, we resolve to clarify any obscure references and allow Ruth's humor to shine forth in all its glory. We do the research, so you don't have to!

We hope there will be something here for everyone, from Emo-kids to aging acid-heads, from Ivy-league matriculated to government-school edjamicated, from casual readers to bathroom-stall scholars. For those of you who need to find errors in everything, we put a few mistakes in as well. Just have fun. Let the dissection begin!

Unfortunately, Mr. Ruth is no longer with the Tampa Tribune, therefore updates will no longer be written. This blog is preserved for demonstration purposes only.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

No, No 649 Million Times - No, No, No!

Original column by Daniel Ruth, The Tampa Tribune

What He Wrote: "... thanks to that buffet-line of glad-handers ..."
Obscure Reference: A glad-hander is an individual who appears affable and approachable, is quick with a handshake, hugs a lot, gets too close and is generally over friendly in an irritating way. A 'buffet' is a meal serving system where patrons serve themselves. It is a popular method of feeding large numbers of people with minimal staff.

What He Wrote: "... the biggest collection of high-priced hookers since Eliot Spitzer last felt randy?"
Obscure Reference: A hooker is a colloquial term for prostitute. The term became popular during the American Civil War, among the Union troops of major general Joseph Hooker. 'Fighting Joe' set a very bad example for the conduct of generals and their staffs and subordinates. His headquarters in Falmouth, Virginia, was described as being a combination of a "bar-room and a brothel". Although there is no basis for the popular legend that the term is derived from his last name because of parties and a lack of military discipline at his headquarters, some versions of the legend claim that the band of prostitutes that followed his division were derisively referred to as "General Hooker's Army" or "Hooker's Brigade." Eliot Laurence Spitzer is an American lawyer and former politician of the Democrat Party. He served as Governor of New York from January 2007 until his resignation on March 17, 2008. According to published reports, investigators believe Spitzer paid up to $80,000 for prostitutes over a period of several years while he was Attorney General, and later as Governor. 'Randy' is British slang for sexual arousal and/or desiring sexual gratification.

What He Wrote: "... less due diligence than Al Pacino's Tony Montana eyeing a pile of cocaine ..."
Obscure Reference: Scarface is a 1983 film directed by Brian De Palma, and starring Al Pacino as Antonio "Tony" Montana. A loose remake of the 1932 gangster film of the same title, it tells the story of a fictional Cuban refugee, who comes to Florida in 1980 as a result of the Mariel Boatlift. Montana becomes a gangster against the backdrop of the 1980s cocaine boom. The film chronicles his rise to the top of Miami's criminal underworld and subsequent downfall in Greek tragedy fashion.

What He Wrote: "... the CSX cabana boys ..."
Obscure Reference: A cabana boy is a male attendant (boy in this sense) performing personal services to the guests of a hotel etc., operating from a nearby cabaña (American Spanish for cabin), notably on a beach. A pool boy performs the same duties at a swimming pool. When used in a derogatory manner, it implies 'other' services, usually unspecified, but sexual in nature, much like a 'paid escort'.

What He Wrote: "... two-thirds-billion-dollar stocking stuffer ..."
Obscure Reference: A Christmas stocking is an empty sock or sock-shaped bag that children hang on Christmas Eve so that Santa Claus can fill it with small toys, candy, coins, or other small gifts when he arrives. These small items are often referred to as stocking stuffers or stocking fillers. In some Christmas stories, the contents of the Christmas stocking are the only toys the child receives at Christmas from Santa Claus. Tradition in western culture dictates that a child who behaves badly during the year will receive only a piece of coal.

What He Wrote: "... CSX's legislative apparatchiks ..."
Obscure Reference: An 'apparatchik' is a Russian colloquial term for a full-time, professional functionary of the Communist Party or government. The term was usually associated with a specific mindset, attitude and appearance of the person; when used by "outsiders", it often bore derogatory connotations. Today this term is also used in contexts other than Soviet Union. For example, it is often used to describe people who cause bureaucratic bottlenecks in otherwise efficient organizations. In this sense, it is a mis-placed metaphor.

What He Wrote: "... the mother of all freebies ..."
Obscure Reference: 'Expect The Mother of All Battles' was Saddam Hussains reply to the threat of invasion by coalition forces during the first Gulf war. In reality when faced with large forces that had a superior technological adavantage his military reply was more akin to that of an elderly aunt with alzheimers. The phrase has found it's way into everyday use as a superlative modifier.

What He Wrote: "... little more than a Daddy Warbucks ..."
Obscure Reference: Lieutenant General Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks is a fictional character from the comic strip Little Orphan Annie. His age in the series is around 52. The derivation of Warbucks' name is from his making millions through munition sales in World War I. Since Warbucks got his wealth from selling to the government, this is also a mis-placed metaphor.

What He Wrote: "... the yard gnomes of the Legislature ..."
Obscure Reference: A gnome is a mythical creature characterized by its extremely small size and subterranean lifestyle. In the 1800's Germans made terracotta animals as decorations, and produced gnomes based on local myths as a way for people to enjoy the stories of the gnomes' willingness to help in the garden at night. The garden gnome quickly spread across Germany and into France and England, and wherever gardening was a serious hobby. Lawn and Garden gnomes have become a popular accessory in many gardens. They are often the target of pranks, known collectively as gnoming.

What He Wrote: "... air-kiss to CSX ..."
Obscure Reference: The air kiss is a social gesture whose meaning is basically the same as that of many forms of kissing. The air kiss is a pretence of kissing: the lips are pursed as if kissing, but without actually touching the other person's body. Air kisses are often associated with glamor models and celebrities: a tongue-in-cheek explanation is that unlike regular kisses, air kisses don't disturb their makeup.

What He Wrote: "... leaving the taxpayers on the hook ..."
Obscure Reference: On, or off - 'the hook' is an American colloquialism which refers to vaudeville performances. Particularly bad acts which were heckled by the audience were pulled offstage by a large, comical hook.

What He Wrote: "... Tallahassee's answer to a brass pole ..."
Obscure Reference: A brass pole is a fixture in a burlesque house or strip club, which allows the dancer support while doing erotic or enticing moves. It involves dancing sensually, although more recently artistic pole dancing is used in cabaret/circus and stage performance in a non-erotic environment. Pole dancing is also regarded by many as a performing art.

What He Wrote: "... obligate taxpayers to pick up the lion's share ..."
Obscure Reference: The Lion's Share is an expression that has come to mean the larger of two amounts, or more often, the largest of several amounts. The saying derives from one of Aesop's fables, where the term is actually defined as the whole amount. In the fable, a lion, fox, jackal and wolf go hunting, successfully killing a deer. It is divided into four parts with the lion taking the first quarter because he is king of the beasts, the second quarter because he is the arbiter of which animals get what portions of the deer, the third quarter because of his help in catching the deer, and the fourth quarter for his superior strength. Thus the lion takes all.

What He Wrote: "... more winks and nods than a Skull & Bones alumni reunion..."
Obscure Reference: A wink & a nond is the implication of either a) sarcasm (that is usually already overtly obvious) or b) a double entendre. Can be done just physically or both physically and verbally at the same time. The Order of Skull and Bones, is a secret society of Yale University upperclassmen. Skull and Bones is known for its extreme secrecy, and members will deny they belong, or even say the name. As with other Yale societies, the sharing of a personal history is the keystone of the senior year together in the tomb. Presidents G.H.W. Bush, G.W. Bush, and Senator John Kerry are reportedly members.

What He Wrote: "... like it was five-day-old roadkill..."
Obscure Reference: 'Roadkill' is a cruel example of Darwinism in action. The animals that are either slow to move, or weak, or previously injured, or otherwise stupid enough to just stand there are weeded out by speeding motorists, and those who survive crossing the roads live to breed offspring that are more likely to get out of the way when an SUV driver on a cellphone hits the gas pedal. Roadkill is comprised mostly of rodents, turtles, deer. The rest is composed of domestic animals bred for aesthetics. Five-day old would be smelly, indeed, at least in the Florida sun.

What He Wrote: "... political footsie-wootsie..."
Obscure Reference: "Playing footsie' is a practice in which people use their feet to play with each other's feet. This generally involves slipping their shoes off under a table and rubbing their bare feet and soles against one another or up their partner's leg. Footsies generally is used to flirt with sexual partners. "Playing footsies" can also mean that two people favor each other over others, such as in politics or other group activity in which people are not technically paired off. Doing so tends to give an unfair advantage to the two individuals over the rest of the group.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Rays Exorcise Devil, But Not Rude, Vile Fans

Original column by Daniel Ruth, The Tampa Tribune

Welcome to all of our Canadian visitors (via Five Feet of Fury). Thanks for stopping by.

What he Wrote: "... Tampa Bay Devil - oops, sorry for the momentary political incorrectness ..."
Obscure Reference: The Tampa Bay major league baseball franchise (American League) was formerly known as the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, after a species of sea ray in the genus Mobula. The team was re-named in 2008 to the Tampa Bay Rays. The term 'politically incorrect' is used to refer to language or ideas that may cause offense or that are unconstrained by behavior seen as seeking to minimize offense to racial, cultural, or other identity groups. The "Devil" in Devil Rays was perceived as offensive to some.

What he Wrote: "... the Bombshell of the Balkans ..."
Obscure Reference: Originally during World War II, "Bombshell Girl" referred to the "pinup" girls who were painted onto the sides of WWII planes, bombers, and their bombs. The Balkans is the historic and geographic name used to describe a region of southeastern Europe. The region takes its name from the Balkan Mountains which run through the centre of Bulgaria into eastern Serbia.

What he Wrote: "... in a FEMA trailer with a gland problem like Tropicana Field ..."
Obscure Reference: The term 'FEMA trailer', is the name commonly given by the U.S. Government to many forms of manufactured housing assigned to the victims of Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).
Intended to be temporary quarters only, FEMA trailers have become part of the cultural landscape and language of New Orleans and other Gulf Coast communities. Tropicana Field is the home ballpark of the Tampa Bay Rays, located in St. Petersburg, ironically resembling a giant orange juice squeezer tilted to one side when viewed from afar.

What he Wrote: "... the extra from "Deliverance" who appeared ..."
Obscure Reference: 'Extra' is a performer who appears in a nonspeaking capacity, usually in the background. Deliverance is a 1972 motion picture drama, noted for the memorable music scene near the beginning that sets the tone for what lies ahead: a trip into unknown and potentially dangerous territory. In the scene, set at a rural gas station, one of the main characters plays the instrumental "Dueling Banjos" on his guitar accompanied by a mentally-challenged hillbilly in-bred albino youth playing banjo.

What he Wrote: "... the pitter-patter of little feet around the manse ..."
Obscure Reference: A manse is a house inhabited by, or formerly inhabited by, a minister, usually used in the context of a Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist or United Church. 'Pitter-patter of little feet' refers to the sound of children playfully running.

What he Wrote: "... the Inmate-In-Waiting ..."
Obscure Reference: A lady-in-waiting is a female personal assistant at a noble court, attending to a queen, a princess or other noblewoman. A lady-in-waiting is often a noblewoman of lower rank (i.e., a lesser noble) than the one she attends to, and is not considered a servant. Their duties varied from court to court. Tudor queens often had a large degree of say in who became their ladies-in-waiting. Sometimes Ladies-in-Waiting would be a lady's older sister who never got married and came to keep her sister company. The term is also used in film and stage, to describe an actress whose role consists of very little action or involvement, differing from a supporting actress.

What he Wrote: "... like a drill instructor."
Obscure Reference: A drill instructor (or Drill Sergeant) is a non-commissioned officer in the armed forces with specific duties that vary by country. In the U.S. armed forces, they are assigned the duty of initiating new recruits entering the military into the customs and practices of military life. Drill instructors have a reputation as unforgiving taskmasters, and they are often portrayed as such in popular culture. The term 'drill instructor' is often used for an employer in any occupation who sets strict tasks and guidelines and is tough on those who do not comply.

What he Wrote: "... there was Gomer screaming ..."
Obscure Reference: Gomer Pyle was the simple-minded gas station attendant and later auto mechanic in the American TV sitcom 'The Andy Griffith Show', played by Jim Nabors. Nabors continued the character in his own starring vehicle, 'Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.' He was often awestruck by the simplest of things, resulting in the exclamation of his catchphrases, "Shazam!", "Gol-ly" and "Surprise, surprise, surprise!". In medical slang, the term 'gomer' is used to describe a chronic problem patient who does not respond to treatment.

What he Wrote: "... 'C'mon Garza, you're down three runs!!!' Goober screamed..."
Obscure Reference: Gomer's cousin was named Goober, played by George Lindsey. 'Goober' is an Americanization of the West African Kongo language word "Nguba", meaning Peanut. "Goober Peas" is another variation of this term. Goober was the town Mayberry's "village idiot".

What he Wrote: "... At this rate, perhaps by August, we could have Tropicana Field pretty much all to ourselves."
Obscure Reference: The Rays have yet to post a winning season nor make the playoffs.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Bishop Blair Issues Fatwa On Silence

Original column by Daniel Ruth, The Tampa Tribune

Look! It's non-sequitur Thursday!

What He Wrote: "... in the parallel universe of the Hillsborough County Commission ..."
Obscure Reference: The many-worlds interpretation or MWI (also known as relative state formulation, theory of the universal wavefunction, or parallel universes), is an interpretation of quantum mechanics. MWI denies the objective reality of wavefunction collapse. MWI explains the subjective appearance of wavefunction collapse with the mechanism of quantum decoherence. Consequently, MWI claims this resolves all the "paradoxes" of quantum theory since every possible outcome to every event defines or exists in its own "history" or "world". In layman's terms, this means that there are an infinite number of universes and that everything that could possibly happen in our universe (but doesn't) does happen in another.

What He Wrote: "... the Canon of Kennedy Boulevard..."
Obscure Reference: A Canon is a priest who is a member of certain bodies of the Christian clergy subject to an ecclesiastical rule (canon). Originally, a Canon was a cleric living with others in a clergyhouse or, later, in one of the houses within the precinct or close of a cathedral and ordering his life according to the order or rule of the church. Kennedy Boulevard is a major east-west corridor in Tampa. It carries the State Road 60 designation through its entire route. Prior to the construction of the Interstate Highway system, which began in the early 1960's in Tampa, what became known as Kennedy Blvd. was the main artery for heavy westbound traffic emptying from downtown Tampa and points eastward during the rush hour.

What He Wrote: "... issuing his own good ol' boy fatwa..."
Obscure Reference: A fatwā in the Islamic faith, is a religious edict or a ruling on Islamic law issued by an Islamic scholar. In the early days of Islam, fatwa were pronounced by distinguished scholars to provide guidance to other scholars, judges and citizens on how subtle points of Islamic law should be understood, interpreted or applied. There were strict rules on who is eligible to issue a valid fatwa and who could not, as well as on the conditions the fatwa must satisfy to be valid. 'Good ol' boy' is a slang term used, either to self-identify as or to refer to a male, usually Caucasian and of Northern/Western-European descent, who lives in a rural area and/or subscribes to a traditionally "rural" lifestyle.

What He Wrote: "... the commission's archbishop of bumpkins..."
Obscure Reference: In America, bumpkin is a derogatory term to refer to the stereotype of poor, un-sophisticated country people; in the rural South, synonymous with 'yokel', or 'hick'. The title of 'Archbishop' is used by several Christian denominations (Catholic, Episcopalian, Orthodox, among others) to designate a senior or elevated Bishop.

What He Wrote: "... the commission's Pope of Podunk..."
Obscure Reference: Podunk, or Podunk Junction has come to denote a place (or sometimes something else) of small size, and is often used, upper-cased, as a placeholder name in a context of dismissing significance or importance. The word is of Algonquian origin; it denoted both the Podunk people and marshy locations. The Pope is the supreme Pontiff of the Roman Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church.

What He Wrote: "The AFA poppycock ..."
Obscure Reference: 'Poppycock' refers to an interjection meaning balderdash or nonsense. It is also a brand of tasty clusters of caramel-coated popcorn, pecans and almonds made by the Lincoln Snacks company.

What He Wrote: "... ham-handed ideological ignorance ..."
Obscure Reference: 'Ham-handed' refers to those lacking social grace or tact, clumsy, inept, or heavy-handed.

What He Wrote: "... I've yet to receive my copy of the homosexual agenda."
Obscure Reference: The homosexual agenda (or the gay agenda) is a term used by some social conservatives in the U.S. to describe the goal of increasing the acceptance and equality of lesbian, gay, bisexual, & transexual (LGBT) people through public policies, media exposure, and cultural change. The term is most often employed by social conservatives in debates over LGBT rights in the U.S. Some believe that this agenda is a secret one. The term is offensive to many, particularly those who view the goals of the movement to be equal rights. Sometimes those who would be offended by a serious reference to this term still use it satirically or sarcastically.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Making A Federal Case Of A Boo-Boo

Original column by Daniel Ruth, The Tampa Tribune

What He Wrote: "... hit the wheel of fortune..."
Obscure Reference: The Wheel of Fortune, or Rota Fortuna, is a concept in medieval and ancient philosophy referring to the capricious nature of Fate. The wheel belongs to the goddess Fortuna, who spins it at random, changing the positions of those on the wheel - some suffer great misfortune, others gain windfalls.

What He Wrote: "... of fate's fickle finger..."
Obscure Reference: 'The Fickle Finger of Fate' (also known as El Dedo del destino) is a 1967 comedy film directed by Richard Rush, starring Tab Hunter. Hunter is a clumsy businessman who accidentally gets wrapped up in a plot of intrigue while on a trip to Spain. It was also the name of an award given on Rowan & Martin's television series "Laugh-In" (1968-73), saluting actual dubious achievements by the government or famous people.

What He Wrote: "... of bad judicial karma."
Obscure Reference: Karma is the concept of "action" or "deed" in Indian religions understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect, described in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies. The philosophical explanation of karma can differ slightly between traditions, but the general concept is basically the same. Through the law of karma, the effects of all deeds actively create past, present, and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to him/her and others.

What He Wrote: "...Megahed, which is Arabic for complete moron,..."
Obscure Reference: 'Megahed' is not Arabic for 'complete moron'.

What He Wrote: "...before you could say, 'Book 'em, Dano,' ..."
Obscure Reference: "Book 'em, Danno" was a catch phrase used often by fictional detective Steve McGarrett (played by Jack Lord), head of the Hawaiian State Police squad in the television series 'Hawaii Five-O'. McGarrett would often utter the phrase at the completion of a succesfull aprehension or arrest to second-in-command Dan 'Danno' Williams (played by James MacArthur).

What He Wrote: "... another pint of Guinness..."
Obscure Reference: Pint is the standard UK measure of beer - apparently equivalent to 0.568 litres in new money, or 20 fluid ounces in American money. Guinness is a popular dry stout ale that originated in Arthur Guinness's St. James's Gate Brewery in Dublin, Ireland. The beer is based on the porter style that originated in London in the early 18th century. It is extremely popular with the Irish and is the best-selling alcoholic drink of all time in Ireland.

What He Wrote: "...Four Green Fields pub..."
Obscure Reference: 'Four Green Fields' was a record album released under the GEM label by Irish traditional musicians 'The Flying Column', who formed a folk band in Belfast around 1967/68. They took their name from the small tight cells that comprised the Irish Republican Army active service units during the Anglo-Irish war of 1916-1921. This album became popular for nationalist households in Northern Ireland after it was released in 1971. It recounted in song the various rebellions from 1798 right through to the IRA border campaign which ended in 1962.