Bishop Blair Issues Fatwa On Silence

Original column by Daniel Ruth, The Tampa Tribune

Look! It's non-sequitur Thursday!

What He Wrote: "... in the parallel universe of the Hillsborough County Commission ..."
Obscure Reference: The many-worlds interpretation or MWI (also known as relative state formulation, theory of the universal wavefunction, or parallel universes), is an interpretation of quantum mechanics. MWI denies the objective reality of wavefunction collapse. MWI explains the subjective appearance of wavefunction collapse with the mechanism of quantum decoherence. Consequently, MWI claims this resolves all the "paradoxes" of quantum theory since every possible outcome to every event defines or exists in its own "history" or "world". In layman's terms, this means that there are an infinite number of universes and that everything that could possibly happen in our universe (but doesn't) does happen in another.

What He Wrote: "... the Canon of Kennedy Boulevard..."
Obscure Reference: A Canon is a priest who is a member of certain bodies of the Christian clergy subject to an ecclesiastical rule (canon). Originally, a Canon was a cleric living with others in a clergyhouse or, later, in one of the houses within the precinct or close of a cathedral and ordering his life according to the order or rule of the church. Kennedy Boulevard is a major east-west corridor in Tampa. It carries the State Road 60 designation through its entire route. Prior to the construction of the Interstate Highway system, which began in the early 1960's in Tampa, what became known as Kennedy Blvd. was the main artery for heavy westbound traffic emptying from downtown Tampa and points eastward during the rush hour.

What He Wrote: "... issuing his own good ol' boy fatwa..."
Obscure Reference: A fatwā in the Islamic faith, is a religious edict or a ruling on Islamic law issued by an Islamic scholar. In the early days of Islam, fatwa were pronounced by distinguished scholars to provide guidance to other scholars, judges and citizens on how subtle points of Islamic law should be understood, interpreted or applied. There were strict rules on who is eligible to issue a valid fatwa and who could not, as well as on the conditions the fatwa must satisfy to be valid. 'Good ol' boy' is a slang term used, either to self-identify as or to refer to a male, usually Caucasian and of Northern/Western-European descent, who lives in a rural area and/or subscribes to a traditionally "rural" lifestyle.

What He Wrote: "... the commission's archbishop of bumpkins..."
Obscure Reference: In America, bumpkin is a derogatory term to refer to the stereotype of poor, un-sophisticated country people; in the rural South, synonymous with 'yokel', or 'hick'. The title of 'Archbishop' is used by several Christian denominations (Catholic, Episcopalian, Orthodox, among others) to designate a senior or elevated Bishop.

What He Wrote: "... the commission's Pope of Podunk..."
Obscure Reference: Podunk, or Podunk Junction has come to denote a place (or sometimes something else) of small size, and is often used, upper-cased, as a placeholder name in a context of dismissing significance or importance. The word is of Algonquian origin; it denoted both the Podunk people and marshy locations. The Pope is the supreme Pontiff of the Roman Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church.

What He Wrote: "The AFA poppycock ..."
Obscure Reference: 'Poppycock' refers to an interjection meaning balderdash or nonsense. It is also a brand of tasty clusters of caramel-coated popcorn, pecans and almonds made by the Lincoln Snacks company.

What He Wrote: "... ham-handed ideological ignorance ..."
Obscure Reference: 'Ham-handed' refers to those lacking social grace or tact, clumsy, inept, or heavy-handed.

What He Wrote: "... I've yet to receive my copy of the homosexual agenda."
Obscure Reference: The homosexual agenda (or the gay agenda) is a term used by some social conservatives in the U.S. to describe the goal of increasing the acceptance and equality of lesbian, gay, bisexual, & transexual (LGBT) people through public policies, media exposure, and cultural change. The term is most often employed by social conservatives in debates over LGBT rights in the U.S. Some believe that this agenda is a secret one. The term is offensive to many, particularly those who view the goals of the movement to be equal rights. Sometimes those who would be offended by a serious reference to this term still use it satirically or sarcastically.