Science! Science? Hahahaha!!!

Original column by Daniel Ruth, The Tampa Tribune

What he wrote: "...Ronda Storms, the Tammy Faye Bakker of Tallahassee..."
Obscure Reference: Tammy Faye Bakker was the former wife of televangelist and later convicted felon Jim Bakker, who co-hosted with him on The PTL Club from 1976 to 1987. Her over use of make-up, particularly mascara, gave her a clown-like appearance.

What he wrote: "...Ronda Storms, R-Paula White-Lite, a woman who would even send the hosts of 'What Not To Wear' screaming into the night?"
Obscure Reference: Paula White is a current-day evangelist in the Tampa area who also holds conservative views. It's not known if she really is a Republican (R), but one of the hosts of the TV show 'What Not To Wear' is reportedly gay.

What he wrote: "The Vicarette of Valrico..."
Obscure reference: In Roman Catholicism, a Vicar is a representative of an ecclisiastic, or clergyman, he may also be a clergyman himself. Valrico is a relatively small community southeast of Tampa, Fl, in which Storms resides.

What he wrote: "... the Board of Education turning into pillars of salt?"
Obscure reference: This biblical allusion recalls God's warning to Lot to flee the municipalities of Sodom and Gomorrah, and to not look back. Lot's wife looks back as they are running and is turned into a pillar of salt.

What he wrote: "...didn't sit well with the Bible-thumper crowd and their Mother Superior, Ronda Storms, R-Archbishop of Amway."
Obscure references: Bible-thumping is frequently used by evangelical clergy during preaching to emphasize the 'Word of God.' A Mother Superior is who female monastics, commonly known as nuns, refer to the leader of their convent. Amway is a privataely-held corporation which uses multi-level marketing to distribute their goods and services. Amway has no Archbishop, although several Christian denominations (Catholic, Episcopalian, Orthodox, among others) use the title to designate a senior or elevated Bishop.

What he wrote: "...Tugboat Annie of End Times..."
Obscure references: 'End-times', or 'End-of-days', refers to the period preceding the Second Coming of the Messiah, which varies from religion to religion. 'Tugboat Annie' is the name of a 1933 movie in which Annie Brennan is the main character; the plot is about a bickering middle-aged couple who operate a tugboat.

What he wrote: "...one who belongs to the Church of the Parallel Universe..."
Obscure reference: No Church of the Parallel Universe is known to exist, although 'Parallel Universe is the name of the second record album release of musical group 'Leiahdorus', and may refer to their fanatical followers.

What he wrote: "...the Ma Kettle of Genesis..."
Obscure reference: Ma and Pa Kettle were characters in a series of comedic movies in the 1940's and 1950's. Ma Kettle was larger, more ambitious, and smarter than Pa, but not by much, and she could easily be fooled. Genesis is the first book of the Bible (and Torah) and deals with creation and man's early days.

What he wrote: "...the Torquemada of Tallahassee ..."
Obscure reference: Tomas de Torquemada was a medieval Dominican monk, and the first Inquisitor General of Spain. Modern allusions to Torquemada in popular culture are usually meant to invoke images of cruelty and callowness of the Catholic Church, organized religion, or other powerful institutions generally.